2012 – Wow.  Not necessarily in a bad way, but not really in a good way.  I’ll give one thing to director Roland Emmerich (10,000 B.C.), he sure knows how to destroy stuff on film.  This movie is basically the end-all of disaster films though.  No one can really top this.  However, I do find it interesting that he went out of the way to not destroy Mecca (or at least not show it), but pinnacles of Christendom were ardently annihilated.  That’s a whole different rant though.  Really, he steers clear of politics otherwise, but there’s a few lines that might ruffle some feathers of fellow Christians like it did me.  The whole film is so incredibly over the top that to begin to explain it would be pointless.  Through the whole movie I had that “It’s the end of the world as we know it” song stuck in my head.  That basically sums it up.  Besides the boat load – pun intended – of spectacular special effects, the rest of the movie is sort of on autopilot.  The actors are sometimes laughably bad.  Not that the cast doesn’t try, but how do you act off this kind of script?    John Cusack (Identity) still hasn’t proved to me that he’s a capable actor.  Amanda Peet (Battle for Terra) plays the role of the worrisome woman, while Thandie Newton (Mission: Impossible II) only comes off half-believably. Woody Harrelson (Zombieland) delivered a few good little scenes, and I could totally picture him doing the kinds of things he did in the movie in real life. I actually quite enjoyed Oliver Platt (Frost/Nixon) in this film, despite the fact that he’s supposed to represent the villain of sorts – which also erked me, when a few scenes could have been interpreted as “the evil American wants to run the world, but we need to make decisions on a global level” kind of thing.  Chiwetel Ejiofor (Talk to Me) and Danny Glover (Blindness) are the real spoilers here, because I like both of them, and find them to be capable actors, but this just made them look one dimensional and silly.  The whole movie was one of those so-bad-that-it’s-kind-of-good things.  Seeing California break off and fall into the ocean: priceless.  Watching Yellowstone become a gigantic volcano: wow.  Seeing monuments crumble and tidal waves sweep the planet was breathtaking.  Having to watch the little side stories, though, was a bore at times.  And the Poseidon-esque last part was laughable as well.  There’s some bad language and innuendo, but the real caution here is the fatalities on a near global scale – not unlike most of Emmerich’s movies, just completely ramped up this time around.  10 points for the astounding effects, Mr. Emmerich, but minus 3 for the lackluster acting/trivial, quasi-connected side stories, and another for the cheesy conclusion.  Still, it’s guiltily entertaining for those who, like me, enjoy a good disaster flick.   

Law Abiding Citizen – I had originally intended to wait to see this on DVD, but I went to see it with Jared and Christina when they wanted to go see a movie.  It was between this and The Men Who Stare at Goats, and I made Jared decide.  You do the math.  Honestly, it didn’t live up to my expectations.  It was a little more shocking than I thought it would be in some places, but it never really had that taut, smart feel to it that I was expecting.  Sure there were some shocking moments, and some awesome camera work – particularly near the end – but it never really stuck, and the end was only marginally fulfilling.  Don’t get me wrong, Gerard Butler (Gamer) does a very good job in his role – though I don’t get [the scene that will make ladies go gah-gah].  Jamie Foxx (Dreamgirls) was semi-well cast, in that he can play a [jerk] very well, but I never bought him as a lawyer.  Of all the supporting cast, Viola Davis (State of Play) is the only one that really stood out.  She does have quite a scene-stealing presence about her – much like she did in Doubt.  It’s very violent – Saw-esque in parts – and there’s a lot of bad language and the aforementioned scene [where ladies go gah-gah].  Still, it might be enjoyed by fans of Butler or Foxx, or for those who don’t replay how things should have went in the film.  There’s better vengeance flicks out there though.

The Big Lebowski – Well, this is another film by the Coen brothers (Fargo) that falls into the “miss” category.  I really found it to be quite dumb.  I didn’t have any expectations going in, but my expectations perked up when I heard Sam Elliott’s (We Were Soldiers) narration at the beginning.  From there it went downhill.  There were some funny parts, but overall, most of the jokes were merely mediocre, and dependent on the humor of the not-so-lovable loser played Jeff Bridges (Iron Man).  The other players include John Goodman (Confessions of a Shopaholic), Steve Buscemi (Fargo), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Mission: Impossible III), and Tara Reid (Josie and the Pussycats). Julianne Moore (Blindness) and John Turturro (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen) have funnier parts, but still pretty dumb.  Plus, it’s chock full of expletives, sexual dialogue, and some strange nudity.  It’s another film along the lines of the Coen’s Burn After Reading, that is supposed to be an in-over-your-head dark comedy, but it never really sticks.  Raising Arizona was better, but I’m thinking the Coen’s make a better drama than comedy – i.e. No Country For Old Men.

Food, Inc. – This is the film that should prevent me from eating at Chipotle for the rest of my days.  However, the lure of that amazingness [despite it’s source] overcomes the infuriation that this little propagandaumentary caused.  It tries to remain politically neutral, and almost does a fair job of it, but it rather blames America as a whole for all the problems with the food industry.  Their blanket statements and hypocritical tactics will likely infuriate the sensible viewer.  Basically, their point boils down to this: big business is evil and wants to kill kids.  They try their Michael Moore-esque tactics on the viewer and play the race/victim card on multiple occasions.  They blame big business and the food industry as a whole for global warming, e coli, illegal immigration, and corporate greed.  Plus, to anyone that has ever stepped foot onto a farm, this movie will likely make you blow a fuse.  It claims that farmers are out to…wait for it….make money!  Oh no!  Evil farmers are trying to make a living! How dare they!  That’s how stupid this movie is.  Then they go and find the biggest hippie douche farmer in America and interview him laying in his pig pasture as he rants and rails on corn while his hogs eat out of a feeder in the background that is more than likely filled with the evil crop.  The hypocrisy of these people know no bounds.  That’s the problem with these kinds of people.  They don’t like something, so they try to outlaw it.  If they don’t like meat, they try to outlaw it.  Whereas if a normal person doesn’t like meat, they just don’t eat it.  I’m going to stop now.  Don’t see this terrible excuse for a film.

Full Metal Jacket – So apparently this movie is quite iconic.  I don’t see the allure.  Honestly, I had high hopes for it at the beginning of the film during the training part, but post-training, it fell into the clichés that plague Vietnam movies made by anti-war filmmakers.  In this case it’s Stanley Kubrick (2001: A Space Odyssey).  I really didn’t understand the point of the film.  I think it tries to vilify the military [or at least the war in Vietnam] and humanize the Vietcong while still trying to make Matthew Modine’s (Transporter 2) pansy journalist the hero.  It really didn’t work for me. Vincent D’Onofrio (“Law and Order: Criminal Intent”) puts in a believable turn, but his character is subject to scrutiny because of the motives of the filmmakers.  Obviously, since it’s a Vietnam movie, one should expect vile language.  There’s also some prostitution involved, and while nothing explicit is shown, some of the wordplay is graphic.  Overall, some things work and some are even harrowing, but the majority of the film plays out like a semi-predictable, monotonous, quasi-propaganda flick.  I have yet to see a Kubrick film that I enjoy.  This one probably isn’t worth your time.

I Love You, Beth Cooper – Let me get right to the point.  Hayden Panettiere (“Heroes”) is the only reason I watched this movie.  I had no interest in the story, or the other actors.  Now that I’ve seen it, I can actually say that I agree with the critics, and think that this movie is lame.  Which, honestly, is a disappointment, because I like Panettiere.  The other players include the somewhat unfunny Paul Rust (Inglorious Basterds) and Jack Carpenter (“The Return of Jezebel James”), and the wannabe Plastics from Mean Girls Lauren London (“Everybody Hates Chris”) and Lauren Storm (“24”).  This is supposed to be a coming-of-age flick, but it falls into so many high school clichés and unbelievable scenarios that it’s very hard to find reliable comedy.  First, it takes the very lighthearted approach at homosexuality, then it makes guys in the military out to be meatheads who like cocaine and steroids, all followed up by completely illusory and random scenarios that pair geeks with hotties.  There’s a few funny moments, but those don’t make up for the rest of the movie.  Plus, this one certainly isn’t for kids as some scenes are hyper-sexualized.  There’s some minor language and some semi-comical violence, but there’s a ton of teen drinking and promotion of promiscuous behavior by parents.  So on top of it being a dumb movie, the moral fabric is dangerously thin.  Probably not worth your time.

Yankee Doodle Dandy – Well finally, here’s a movie in this review that I can’t really rant and rail on.  That said, there’s really nothing to say.  I knew none of the actors – not surprising since it was made 65 years ago – I knew very few of the songs, and there was very little that really stood out to me.  This was one of the films in her library that Christina demanded I watch.  Still, it was very patriotic, and kind of funny in parts.  Musicals about life in the theater are kind of hard to pull off.  Some are very well done – Chicago and Moulin Rouge! – while others are just plain dreadful – A Chorus Line.  This one was quite interesting because it took a look at the old school theater around the turn of the century.  It was quite impressive to see how times changed.  It was also quite impressive to see the tapping and associated dancing done by an older gentleman.  There was a couple of lines about the lead being a good Democrat, but I let that slide, since he kind of ends up mocking FDR.  If you like old-school musicals, then this one is for you.

When I put the Mission: Impossible Trilogy on my Netfilx a while back, it started recommending all the James Bond films.  So I decided, what the heck, I’ll just watch the whole [pre-Daniel Craig] series.  Some I had seen, others were new to me.  In the interest of space and my sanity, I’ll form an [engineered] list [for Rachel] so as to just hit the high points of the adventures of Agent 007.

·        Dr. No (1962) – Had not seen previously.  007 – Sean Connery (The Untouchables).  Nice locations, pretty good set up for the rest of the series.  Some cheesy fights and corny lines, but delivered so well by Connery. M, played by Bernard Lee, and Moneypenny, played by Louis Maxwell, make first appearances. Q, played by Major Boothroyd, makes an appearance, but not as his job title.

·        From Russia with Love (1963) - Had not seen previously.  007 – Sean Connery. Some nice locations, but overall, not quite as good as the first.  The Cold War setting worked, but the ending was a little lackluster.

·        Goldfinger (1964) – Already seen. 007 – Sean Connery.  Classic Bond.  Impossible scenarios, lovely ladies, double entendres, gadgets, and scheming.  Brilliant and funny – probably the best of Connery’s run. Desmond Llewellyn takes over the role of Q. One of the best Bond girl names: Pussy Galore. 

·        Thunderball (1965) -  Had not seen previously.  007 – Sean Connery.  A worthy follow-up to Goldfinger, but not quite as good.  Some pretty cool underwater sequences that work well. 

·        You Only Live Twice (1967)- Had not seen previously.  007 – Sean Connery.  New scenery in Japan, and space is brought into play.  Also, Blofeld is revealed for the first time, and there are some good fights and explosions. 

·        On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969) – Had not seen previously.  007 – George Lazenby (Gettysburg).  It just doesn’t quite work as well as the Connery movies.  Plus, the idea of Bond actually wanting to get married is just silly.  Some of the action is pretty good, but it just isn’t as suave as the previous ones, and Lazenby is kind of dull compared to Connery.

·        Diamonds are Forever (1971) – Already seen.  007 – Sean Connery.  Triumphant return of Connery to Bond.  High action, but kind of lame duo Bambie and Thumper and creepy/annoying/gay duo Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd.  The Las Vegas thing didn’t really work for me.  Still, Connery is the man as far as Bond goes.

·        Live and Let Die (1973) – Had not seen previously.  007 – Roger Moore. One of the stranger bond films, but not entirely bad.  A young Jane Seymour (Wedding Crashers) was the Bond girl in one of her first films.  Strange setting in the Caribbean, and an odd plot involving drugs.

·        The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) – Already seen.  007 – Roger Moore.  One of the better Moore films.  A much younger but still impressive Christopher Lee (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King) plays the titillating villain – pun intended.  A string of odd occurrences, lovely ladies, and corny lines make it worthy of remembrance. 

·        The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)– Already seen.  007 – Roger Moore.  Another fairly good Moore film, though not as good as the previous one.  Barbra Bach (i.e. Mrs. Ringo Starr) plays the hot Russian spy/Bond girl.  First appearance of Jaws.  New gadgets from Q including the underwater car. 

·        Moonraker (1979) – Already seen.  007 – Roger Moore.  One of the sillier of the Bond films.  Jaws makes a second and final appearance, and Bond ventures into space.  Other locales are interesting including Venice and Rio.

·        For Your Eyes Only – Already seen.  007 – Roger Moore.  Another silly adventure for Bond.  A lot of underwater action, and some nice snow skiing.  However, professional ice skater Lynn-Holly Johnson is one of the most annoying Bond girls (if she can even be called one).  The end credits feature silhouetted skinny dipping, which I found quite comical. 

·        Octopussy (1983) - Had not seen previously.  007 – Roger Moore.  As if the name wasn’t funny enough.  This one wasn’t as silly as the two prior films, but it was silly nonetheless – especially the climatic battle and the crocodile.  Otherwise it really wasn’t too bad, in that it pokes fun at commies.  Robert Brown takes over as M.

·        Never Say Never Again (1983) - Had not seen previously.  007 – Sean Connery.  This was an “unsanctioned” Bond film.  Completely devoid of the theme music and other little elements that make Bond films good, but a return of Connery to the role.  All the other players are replaced by different actors, but the effect is still the same.  Kim Basinger (L.A. Confidential) is the Bond girl in this one, and Rowan Atkinson (Rat Race) has a small role. 

·        A View to a Kill (1985) - Had not seen previously.  007 – Roger Moore.  One of the better Moore films in the scope that it was so far out there.  From horse races to a climatic fight at the top of the Golden Gate Bridge.  Christopher Walken (The Deer Hunter) is the baddie, with Tanya Roberts (”That 70’s Show”) as the Bond girl. 

·        The Living Daylights (1987) - Had not seen previously.  007 – Timothy Dalton.  A big switch up as far as Bond movies go – and not really in a good way.  Caroline Bliss takes over as Moneypenny, and it just gets sillier from there.  Though it’s still anti-commie, the trek from Europe ends in a silly climax in Afghanistan.  Ironic, though. 

·        License to Kill (1989) - Had not seen previously.  007 – Timothy Dalton.  Strange little film that was one of the weakest in the series.  Drugs aren’t Bond’s forte.  A few exciting sequences, but I honestly fell asleep during the last part, so I had to rewatch it later.  A younger [less stoned-looking] Benicio del Toro (The Usual Suspects) has a small part. 

·        GoldenEye (1995) – Seen already.  007 – Pierce Brosnan. A big shake up for the franchise – but in a good way.  Judi Dench (Mrs. Henderson Presents) takes over as M, and Samantha Bond takes over as Moneypenny.  While it’s probably just meant to be a shakeup in terms of female empowerment, Dench as M somehow works well.  Plus, Sean Bean (Sharpe’s Rifles) as the baddie alongside Famke Janssen (Taken) as Xenia Onnatop (another great Bond girl name) make it even better.  Robbie Coltrane (Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince) and Alan Cumming (X2: X-Men United) have small parts.

·        Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) - Seen already.  007 – Pierce Brosnan.  Not a bad follow up to GoldenEye.  I did find it quite ironic that the media was portrayed as trying to create the news – not entirely unlike what they do today.  Who knew that a Bond film would be foretelling?  Jonathan Pryce (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End) is the media mogul baddie, and Teri Hatcher (“Desperate Housewives”) and Michelle Yeoh (Sunshine) are the Bond girls.  Some exotic locales, and some cool toys supplied by Q.

·        The World Is Not Enough (1999) - Seen already.  007 – Pierce Brosnan.  A unworthy follow-up, and one of my least favorite Bond films.  Probably because the whole Stockholm syndrome thing didn’t work for me, and the fact that Denise Richards (Starship Troopers) is easily the worst Bond girl ever.  Couldn’t a more capable actress have been picked to play a nuclear physicist?  It was just a weak story overall, even though it tried to take advantage of a hot button issue: oil supply.  Coltrane appears again, as does Robert Carlyle (28 Weeks Later). This saw the departure of Llewellyn as Q, and the introduction of his replacement by John Cleese (The Day the Earth Stood Still).

·        Die Another Day (2002) - Seen already.  007 – Pierce Brosnan.  This one brought it back for Bond after the previous lackluster affair.  More impossible scenarios (ice castles melting, surfing into North Korea, sword fighting) make the action appealing, as do Halle Berry (Introducing Dorothy Dandridge) and Rosamond Pike (Pride & Prejudice) as the Bond girls.  An appearance by Madonna, however, was unwarranted and lame.  Otherwise, with the awesome new Aston Martin provided by Cleese’s Q, and the fairly worthy adversaries provided by Toby Stephens (son of Maggie Smith) and Rick Yune (The Fast and the Furious), it’s a pretty good Bond adventure, and the last for Brosnan.

Now the series has been revamped with Daniel Craig in the lead.  I have to say that he’s my favorite Bond.  However, there’s something endearing about Connery.  He’ll always be Bond, but just the less serious, more suave and womanizing Bond.